Messaging & ARIA

ARIA stands for AI Relationship Intelligence Assistant. She sits between you and your co-parent, reading every message before it is sent. Her job is to catch language that could escalate conflict and suggest a calmer alternative.

The process is simple: you write your message naturally, ARIA analyzes it in under one second, and if she detects tension, blame, hostility, or passive-aggressive language, she offers a rewritten version. If your message is already constructive, it goes through without any interruption.

The key principle is that you always decide. ARIA never sends anything on your behalf. She never blocks a message. She suggests, and you choose.

1. 1Open the Messages tab from your dashboard.
2. 2Type your message in the compose field, just like any messaging app.
3. 3Tap Send. ARIA analyzes your message in under one second.
4. 4If ARIA has no suggestions, the message is delivered immediately.
5. 5If ARIA flags something, you will see her suggested alternative before the message is sent.

When ARIA flags a message, you see your original text alongside her suggested rewrite. The suggestion preserves your core intent while adjusting tone, removing inflammatory language, and framing things more collaboratively.

Your three options

• Use suggestion: Send ARIA's rewritten version. This is the most common choice and typically leads to more productive responses.
• Edit yourself: Modify either your original or ARIA's version to find the wording that feels right to you.
• Send as-is: Send your original message unchanged. ARIA will never prevent you from saying what you need to say.

ARIA does not only help with what you send. She also protects you from hostile incoming messages. When your co-parent sends a message with aggressive or hurtful language, ARIA can summarize it for you so you get the essential information without the emotional impact.

You will see a neutral summary of the message content, including any logistics, requests, or action items. The original message is still stored and accessible if you choose to view it, but you are not forced to read hostile language just to find out about a schedule change or pickup time.

Every message sent through CommonGround is documented with a precise timestamp. This creates a reliable, searchable record of all communication between you and your co-parent.

Use the search bar at the top of the Messages tab to find specific conversations by keyword, date, or topic. This is invaluable when you need to reference a past agreement, confirm a schedule change, or prepare documentation for court or mediation.

You can toggle ARIA's message coaching in your account settings under Communication Preferences. When ARIA is turned off, your messages are sent directly without analysis or suggestions.

Even with coaching turned off, CommonGround still tracks communication metrics like response times and message frequency. These metrics are part of the platform's documentation features and remain active regardless of ARIA's coaching status.

Tips for productive communication

ARIA is a powerful tool, but the best results come when you combine it with intentional communication habits. Here are proven strategies:

• Use I-statements: Say "I would appreciate a heads-up" instead of "You never tell me anything."
• Focus on logistics: Keep messages about schedules, expenses, and the children's needs. Save emotional conversations for therapy or trusted friends.
• Keep it about the kids: Before sending, ask yourself whether the message directly relates to your children's wellbeing or needs.
• Wait before responding: If an incoming message triggers a strong reaction, take a few minutes before replying. ARIA's shielding can help you process the content calmly.
• Be specific: Instead of vague requests, include dates, times, and details so there is no room for misinterpretation.

Privacy is fundamental to how CommonGround works. Your co-parent only sees the final message you choose to send. Here is a clear breakdown: